Stars Are Gonna Find Me
by alphayamergo
Summary: Graham just wanted a day in while the others went exploring. Then a woman with space hair steals the TARDIS. Or: The one where River accidentally-but-not-really kidnaps Graham.


It's not that Graham didn't enjoy travelling with the Doc. Honestly, it was one of the greatest things he's ever done, and sometimes as he ran only a half-step behind her, alongside Ryan and Yaz, he couldn't help but think _Grace would have loved this so much._

And that was the problem. Grace _would_ have loved this, and she wasn't here to appreciate it. Sometimes his heart felt too heavy to take another step, and that means that sometimes, he had to take a break, and stay in the TARDIS.

And that wasn't even all of it – he was a bit more _mature_ than the rest of them, and he really needed his sleep. Ryan had laughed when Graham admitted that and jabbed that Graham really was an old man, but it had been mostly in good humour, and Yaz and the Doctor had defended him valiantly, so he didn't feel too bad about it.

Anyway, all that was to say, that when a woman with gigantic hair and a gun in one hand burst into the TARDIS, Graham was the only one there to witness it. The Doctor, Ryan and Yaz were busy exploring some planet-wide theme park, apparently voted the best in the Milky Way. Graham had never particularly been one for roller coasters, personally, so he'd been glad to take a personal day.

Unfortunately, the universe hadn't agreed with him.

" _I was only being polite!_ " shouted the woman behind her, and ducked a short burst of laser that slammed into one of the pillars. She slammed the door shut, and turned to face the console room. The light in the pillars brightened and the TARDIS hummed. _A warning?_ wondered Graham. What else could it be?

"Well, this is _new_ ," purred the woman, sauntering into the TARDIS like she owned the place. She patted the abused pillar as she passed it, murmuring something that Graham couldn't quite catch. The pillars gave another quick burst of bright light.

Graham could see her more clearly as she walked closer to the console. She had wild, curly hair that she hadn't bothered to tame at all, in spite of what was obviously an active combat situation she had just run out of. _Space hair_ , Grace would have called it, and Graham had to agree. Beside the hair, though, she was practically dressed, right down to a holster in her hip that she tucked her futuristic-looking gun into.

She ran her hands over the console and smiled. "Hello, old girl." Her voice sounded almost wistful.

 _Time to step in, now_ , Graham told himself firmly, drawing himself up. He stepped out of the shadows. "Please step away from the console."

The woman whirled around to face him. "I'm only borrowing her," she protested.

Graham crossed his arms. Like he'd never heard _that_ excuse before. "The TARDIS belongs to the Doctor, and Doc won't be very happy with the person who steals the TARDIS." He was bluffing a little. More than a couple of people they had met along the way had recognised the Doctor's name, and he was praying that her name would be recognisable to what was hopefully a small-time crook who hadn't realised what she was stumbling into, and intimidating enough that said crook would back down.

The woman rolled her eyes. "She won't mind," said Space Hair, patting the TARDIS console. "I've done this before, you know."

Okay. Apparently not such a small-time crook – or a good liar, Graham supposed. He hoped it was the latter.

 _Keep her talking_ , decided Graham. The longer he kept her talking, the more likely it was the Doctor would come back and sort the whole mess out. Graham would do it himself, but she had a gun – one she could easily reach before he did - and there really wasn't much he could do against that. Maybe Yaz could have – they would have to cover that kind of thing in the police academy, right? – but she was, regrettably, having the time of her life on one of those stomach-turning rides.

"I really think she would," argued Graham. After all, the Doctor barely let him, Yaz or Ryan touch the console, and they were her mates and not trying to steal the TARDIS from her. She was very protective over the time machine.

"The Doctor won't even know we were gone, if you just keep mum about it," said the woman, turning back to the console and flicking a few switches with practiced ease. Graham wondered if he should tackle her and be done with it, with a nervous glance at her gun. Grace probably would have, and she would probably encourage her to do the same. Space Hair looked over her shoulder to wink at him, tapping a finger against her nose.

To Graham's horror, the engines started groaning and wheezing around him, and the crystal at the centre of the console began to shift. "No!" he shouted. "Take us back. Take us back, _now._ "

"Just a quick hop to the future to get those Sontarans off my tail, and then I'll take the TARDIS back to right where we left," promised the woman. The wheezing slowed to a stop and Space Hair patted the side of the console gratefully. "So, where have you put the liquor?" asked the woman. Graham opened his mouth to answer indignantly that she couldn't steal the TARDIS _and_ the alcohol, when a part of the console room's wall lit up. "Thank you, dear," said Space Hair, trotting off to the indicated space, where she popped open a cabinet that Graham hadn't even realised was there. He gaped at the console accusingly, and since the Doctor claimed the TARDIS was telepathic, he thought disapproving thoughts as loudly as possible.

"Want some?" asked the woman, pouring herself a drink. She glanced up at him as she finished. "Doctor River Song, by the way."

"Graham O'Brien," he replied warily, walking over to accept the offered cup. "How'd you get in here?" It hadn't taken long to learn that the TARDIS could be terribly temperamental. Graham had seen the Doctor sweet talk the TARDIS for over an hour before the TARDIS had allowed its doors to be opened. So why, exactly, had the time machine opened the doors to a – a – a _thief_?

River smirked. "I have a key," she announced, pulling the offending item from one of her many pockets.

"I never got a key!" complained Graham before he could think better of it.

"Well, she can be a bit temperamental, sometimes," said River. "The Doctor had to give poor Clara three separate keys before the TARDIS stopped eating them."

"Stopped eating them...?" echoed Graham, bewildered. River Song knew far more about the TARDIS than he would expect from a common thief. River could just be spinning him a yarn to distract him, using a name that Graham had already mentioned and making up the other – but he was rather suspecting he might have misjudged the situation. The question now, of course, was how much by.

"It took a little while for the TARDIS to warm up to Clara," explained River. "She doesn't like Jack much either, now that I think about it."

"Jack?"

"Jack Harkness, captain of my heart," sing-songed River, eyes twinkling. "The TARDIS doesn't much like impossible things, do you, dear?" The lights dimmed slightly and the TARDIS hummed in a way that sounded very much like a confirmation.

"The TARDIS is pretty impossible," commented Graham, glancing around at the giant, _impossible_ space they were occupying.

River smiled. "You're new, aren't you?"

"How would you know?" demanded Graham. "You stole the TARDIS!"

River smirked. "The Doctor stole her first."

The TARDIS hummed out a high pitch. River glanced up in alarm, and then the whole TARDIS shifted abruptly under her feet. River grinned, savage and wild, before setting her drink down and running up to the console. She dragged the screen around and flicked another few switches, bringing up a visual.

"Are those _potatoes_?" said Graham incredulously, putting his own untouched drink down to follow her.

River laughed, the sound all sharp-edges and furious. "Sontarans," she said. The potato aliens were surrounding the TARDIS, from what he could see, but the visual was almost too dark to see. She flicked another two switches, and pointed at a button. "Press this when I give the signal." Graham nodded helplessly as she walked back out the door, gun in one hand and something that looked suspiciously like a trowel in the other.

"Doctor River Song," said one of the Sontarans, who Graham thought was probably the leader, but couldn't be sure because none of the aliens had any distinguishing features to speak of besides some kind of device wrapped around his wrist. "You are charged with stealing from the Sontaran Empire."

"You were selling slaves," said River, calmly. "You cannot steal a sentient being."

The probably-leader lifted his blaster, and the rest followed suit. River raised one hand and brought it down sharply, and Graham slammed his hand on the button just as the potato aliens fired on her. The blaster bolts bounced harmlessly off an invisible wall.

"Did you really think a _blaster_ would be enough to kill me?" asked River, danger dripping off every word. "I'm _River Song._ You should have done your research, boys. Not only am I one of the best assassins in the galaxy, I am also a very accomplished archaeologist, and _I just led you to your tomb._ " She lifted the trowel and pointed at the lead Sontaran, and the device around his wrist burst into flames. "I'm giving you a chance. Escape the caves and I'll let you live, but good luck on that."

One of the potatoes that was probably not a leader fired again, shouting "Sontar-HA!" The others took their lead from him, firing on River. Unconcerned, River turned and sauntered back inside the TARDIS as the blaster bolts harmlessly dissolved on the forcefield.

"Is this fair?" he asked uncertainly as the door swung shut behind her.

She barely glanced at him. "They're slavers and war-mongers," she said shortly. "If you knew the crimes of the Sontaran Empire, and that battalion in particular, you wouldn't be worried." She started flicking switches on the TARDIS. "Besides, I gave them a chance. The caves of Otera are infamous for people getting irretrievably lost in them, but it's not impossible to get out. It could be some other battalion that died in there."

"But you don't think it is," he said, making it clear that it wasn't a question.

"No."

"And that?" he asked, pointing at where she had slipped the trowel thing back into her pocket. "Is that a sonic screwdriver?"

"Sonic trowel," she corrected, as the TARDIS began to groan its way into flight. She turned to look at him. "The Sontarans are a genocidal race, waging war against anyone they can find. They've even invaded Earth before, and it was only because of the Doctor and UNIT that your world was saved. They were raised for war. There are some good individuals amongst the Sontarans, but not in that battalion."

"It just seems very _cold_ ," he said helplessly.

She cocked her head. "Have you never seen the Doctor do similar?"

Graham wanted to shake his head no, say that the Doctor wasn't that ruthless, but the words died on his lips. She had fed the Pting a bomb and thrown it into space. She had refused to help Rosa Parks on that bus – to preserve history, it was true, but that didn't mean that they hadn't been cold in denying her support.

And all those people who had recognised her name – not all of them had admired her. Some had _feared_ her.

"The Doctor is a better person than I will ever be," said River, softly. He dragged his eyes up to meet hers. She looked _kind_ , even if she hadn't been a few moments earlier. "The Doctor has been travelling the universe for thousands of years, but sometimes the universe isn't a kind place. It's shaped us both. The Doctor can be ruthless, yes, and so can I – but the Doctor is capable of so much _love_."

That was true, too. The way she had spoken at Prem and Umbreen's wedding. Her gentle understanding of Graham and Ryan's grief, and her eager friendship with all of them. "I know," he said, quietly.

Would Grace have liked the Doctor, if she had known the Doctor in all of her kindness and ruthlessness? Graham didn't know. Maybe. She had always liked Malcolm X, even if not as much as she had liked Rosa Parks. She had believed that sometimes – rarely, though, she always cautioned – tyranny could only be met with violence. But she had always avoided that, herself. She was a nurse, after all.

"Do you need more time before I take the TARDIS back?" asked River.

Graham shook his head. "No," he said. "Take me back."

"Are you sure?" checked River.

Grace knew that a gentle pair of hands was always needed, in the end. Graham could be that set of hands for the Doctor. He nodded. "Yes."

River pulled the lever, and the TARDIS wheezed around them. Almost as soon as it had finished, the door burst open, and the Doctor burst in, brandishing the sonic screwdriver ahead of her threateningly. Ryan and Yaz followed her in, looking around the room anxiously.

"Graham!" called Ryan. "Are you right?"

"I'm fine, Ryan," he said, stepping round the TARDIS console.

"We got back, and the TARDIS was gone. We were worried," admitted Yaz.

The Doctor remained rooted to the spot. Slowly, her hand dropped back to her side. She stared at River, eyes wide. "River?" she whispered.

Graham turned to look at River, who was staring back at the Doctor, equally entranced. "Hello, sweetie," breathed River.

As soon as River spoke, the Doctor moved, bounding up the stairs and around the console room. She stopped in front of River, and gently put a hand on River's cheek. "I thought I wouldn't see you again," she said. "I thought our time was up."

River smiled. It wasn't a smirk, or half a snarl, like every other time Graham had seen her smile – it was entirely genuine, bright and shining. The smile lit up her whole face. "Sweetie, you know it's _never_ that simple," she said.

Grinning, the Doctor leaned forward and gave her a quick, chaste kiss. As she pulled back, River made a sound of disappointment. "Like the new body?"

"Mmm," said River, flicking her eyes up and down the Doctor shamelessly. "Barely seen it yet. I'll have to take a closer look."

"Who is she?" whispered Ryan to Graham, but the sound carried across the TARDIS.

"This is my wife," said the Doctor, without turning to look at Ryan.

"You've got a wife?" exclaimed Yaz.

"We've gotten married on over a hundred planets, so I should hope so," said River.

"A wife," repeated Ryan, like it was a foreign concept.

Graham could see the joy in the Doctor's face, a type of fierce happiness he would never be able to experience with Grace. "Come on," he said to the others, quietly. "You're gonna have to show me your favourite rides."

Ryan looked ready to protest, but Yaz caught on quickly enough, and grabbed him by the arm to drag him out of the TARDIS. Graham followed them out, turning only to close the door behind him. He could see the Doctor winding her hands through River's space hair, pulling her close. He smiled, and shut the door behind him.

 **AN: Title's from ABBA, because, uh, I still haven't stopped listening to the Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again soundtrack.** **Concrit is 100% welcome because I'm still a little shaky on the new cast's characterisation, but hopefully it's all good. This was written just before Kerblam! aired, but that episode left such a dirty taste in my mouth I haven't touched it again till now.**


End file.
